How I Learned the Importance of Therapy

I was never one to give therapy a chance. I went to a few one off's, but never really found any that were helpful. So, for years, I poo-pooed the very idea of therapy, deciding it wasn't for me at a very early stage of my illness, so I just moved forward relying on medication alone. After all, no one knows me better than me--so I got this.

After being in this IOP (Intensive Out-Patient) DBT therapy program for the past 6 weeks, I will humbly admit I was completely wrong. I hadn't quite understood how incredible and helpful therapy could be until I met T. N. and D--three amazing therapists I will be extremely sad to leave once my time in IOP is over. Each one of them brought her unique skillset to my therapy and has helped me to both grow in the understanding of my own illness, and also as a person. Each of them has had such compassion for me at my worst, helped me through by teaching me skills, acknowledging when I have been successful and helping me to continue moving forward in a positive direction.

T. has been a rockstar in just dealing with me. She's been a real champion of me, listening to my

medication concerns, nagging my psychiatrist to meet with me, advocating my own medication desires to my psychiatrist, and waiting for an appointment for me, even though it meant sacrificing her own break. T. also has like this amazing 6th sense to know something is wrong whenever I entered the building--even before I said a word. "Kel, come with me real quick." And we'd go to her office, even when I didn't know why, and she'd say: "So what's up? Talk to me, I can tell there's something wrong." And then I'd explode, and we'd talk through the situation, and find some kind of solution.  T. is always ready, and if I knocked, and she wasn't in session, her office door opened, she smiled and said: "What's up Kel?" Sometimes I'd just need to talk, or sometimes just deescalate in her office and play with the kinetic sand. She's also one of the most empathetic people I know--which makes it so easy to talk to her.

N. is literally the deescalation guru. I've never met a single person, save for the few OTs I know,
to have such a deep understanding and compassion for sensory issues, and have such an ability to deescalate and treat a sensory meltdown. She's also brilliant at non-verbal cues in a group setting, never calling me out on my shit and just offering help when needed without bringing attention to my own struggles. I was having a brutal day before group, she saw it, and breezed into the group room with all the things, for everyone.  "Looks like today's a rough day. I've brought mints--because they taste better than cotton or rayon--and I've brought rocks, take one-throw it back and forth, up and down, hold it, I don't care. Just use them. If you need a break, take one, just be quite about leaving. Okay? Okay." Or the day I was running without meds, without sleep, because of my dad's medical stuff. "Need something from my office to get through today? Go get it. (In reference to her stuffed elephant). Get whatever you need from in there, come back, and be ready to work."  N. is also brilliant at not just validation but sincere acknowledgment of a job well done. "Great make do skill," she said when I replaced my shirt with a chewy. "It's 11:30 AM and you haven't yet been in my office melting down. Keep it up." Or the one that was the best: "You're so, so together today. I think you've finally crossed the threshold. Proud of you." It's amazing what a few small words or actions can do to help change behaviors. N. is a great example of the kind of teacher I want to be this upcoming school year.

D. always has an ever-ready coloring book and crayon, and always willing to chat after DBT, to make sure all was okay with me. She is always really amazing at keeping it real, and sharing her own struggles so I didn't feel isolated in mine. She repeatedly fought and fought with my psychiatrist when she didn't agree with the medication adjustments and kept nagging her when she didn't see a change in my hyperactivity. She's also a pro at bringing fidgets (like dry erase markers) that were inconspicuous in a group setting. 

These three women have completely changed my life for the better, have given me skills to get through my toughest time, have also given me tough love when needed. They've pushed me harder than I have ever been pushed before, have forced me to look at myself in ways I have never before done so, and made me a stronger person because of it. I know I have done the work, as N. says: "That's all you," but their guidance has made it completely possible.

I started six weeks ago, completely against therapy. As I leave this IOP program on Friday, I can say, wholeheartedly, I am a proponent of therapy and a complete advocate of its place in treating mental health. These women have not only helped me to grow, but opened my eyes to seeing the huge therapeutic value of therapy in conjunction with medication. For all of these things, I am sincerely grateful.