CBT...Goals, and Trials, and letters, Oh My!

This is the second post in the therapy series, and today it's going to focus on CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. CBT was founded by Dr. Aaron T. Beck in the 1960's at the University of Pennsylvania (History of CBT). And according to the Mayo Clinic, it's a type of therapy that is done for a myriad of mental illnesses, because it "can quickly help you identify and cope with specific challenges"(Mayo Clinic CBT sources) Trigger warning: Mentions of Rape later in this post! 

Again, I do not have years of psych training behind me, but my own definition of CBT is this: it is a type of therapy that believes things (thoughts, feelings, behaviors), are interconnected. Thoughts create feelings which create behaviors. Feelings create behaviors which create thoughts. Behaviors create thoughts which create feelings--or any combination of such things. In other words, it's a way to look at pieces of you: behaviors, thoughts, feelings and see what else they are affecting.

There hasn't been a lot I've taken away from CBT, as it feels very academic, and it reminds me of my intro to psych classes in high school and at Drew.  However, there are two CBT things that I have decided I'm going to use in my life outside of therapy. The first are S.M.A.R.T. Goals. 

I will admit when I first heard I had to sit through a goal setting group, I rolled my eyes hard. I remembered all the teacher PDs I sat through with creating goals that never got met. I also thought back to my own childhood where goal setting was always something I despised and was bad at. So I was prepared, as you can imagine, to absolutely hate S.M.A.R.T. Goals.

When I finally forced myself to tune into what the therapist was saying, I realized that this type of goal setting was unlike all the other types I've tried before. It was more S.M.A.R.T! 😜S.M.A.R.T. means your goal must be:  Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. This helps you take really big goals and break them into smaller ones that are easier to achieve. Setting goals up in this way makes the failure rate low, and success rate high. Here's a goal I set for myself, back at Carrier, and as of 7:00 PM tonight, I actually accomplished!!!!! 🎉🎈🎈🎈🎉:

Jeremy Brett-the ultimate
Sherlock Holmes. He's an inspiration
to me because he suffered from
Bipolar Disorder, and in addition
to being an amazing Sherlock Holmes,
was also a great advocate for it. 

Goal: I want to finish my Sherlock Holmes story, The Adventure of the Christmas Crypt, by writing or editing uninterrupted for 30 minutes per day for the next three weeks.

This goal is specific--it's exactly what I want to finish, it's measurable--30 minutes per day gives me a way to measure my progress, it's attainable--I can absolutely finish it in 3 weeks (and I did!), it's realistic--I have the resources I need, and it's timely--I gave myself 3 weeks to do it.


Prior to setting this S.M.A.R.T. Goal, this story had been sitting in my google docs unfinished and untouched. I liked the story, but somehow decided to abandon it as I often do. When the therapist made us set our own S.M.A.R.T. Goal, that story was the first thing to jump into my head, so I ran with it. And now, I've achieved it. I think the S.M.A.R.T. goal definitely kept me accountable, because of the measured time--I didn't have to write for hours on end. Just 30 minutes. That was very doable. The S.M.A.R.T. goal was able to keep me focused, and keep my work in the forefront of my mind.

But, I'm still me, and still struggled with reaching the goal, because one of my skill sets is procrastination. However, when I used the S.M.A.R.T. goal, and pulled inspiration to finish strong today from the great conversation I had with my friend, P, yesterday, I had the impetus to spend today and finishing the story. My next S.M.A.R.T. goal will be for the editing process and then for what to do with Christmas Crypt next. But for right now, I feel great having accomplished my S.M.A.R.T. Goal! S.M.A.R.T. goals for the win!


The other CBT strategy I love is the idea of putting my thoughts on trial. It's a weird concept, and I immediately imagined my thoughts being on a witness stand with a white-wigged Victorian judge presiding. But, as ridiculous as that image seems, it's exactly what happens. 

Victorian Judge...the look of
who I imaged to be judging my thoughts. 

For whatever reason, I've been having a lot of thoughts about my own rape which occurred when I was 21. It might be from all the homophobia I've been seeing on my newsfeed and in the news recently (that pastor dude calling for the death of gays really got under my skin). I remember my rapist told me I was being punished for being a bad girl and a gay one. He was going to turn me straight. So my little intrusive thought, 11 years later, has been: was it okay for me to have been raped because I somehow provoked it?

It seemed like the perfect thought to put on trial!

Thought: Was it okay for me to be raped because my nature somehow provoked it?

Defense (Evidence in support of the thought): The person who raped me said it because I was a dyke. I was dressed like a boy. I was angry at myself that this happened.

Prosecution (Evidence against the thought): I have a right to be me. Rape is illegal. I have a right to be proud of who I am. My sexuality is not something that can be taken from me. No matter how I am dressed, it doesn't mean it's lawful to hurt me.

Judge's Verdict: When looking at the evidence, the prosecution wins. No matter what might have happened, rape is unlawful and is never okay. The only cause of rape is the rapist. I have a fundamental, human right to be the person I am, and no one can take that from me.

I agreed with the "judge" in this instance. Although I thought it was just a random exercise the CBT therapist gave us to pass the time, I honestly felt better after I received my "judge's" verdict. There's something very soothing about seeing both sides of a thought written out,  reviewing all pieces of the "evidence" then having a "judge" pass a verdict. And it did put my little intrusive thought into jail and it really hasn't come back since. I'm not saying this is going to be my process for everything, as it's a bit laborious for everyday thoughts, but I think I'm going to keep it in my back pocket for those intrusive thoughts that tend to appear. It is also important to stick to the facts as much as possible, what actually happened, not what the feeling was at the time.

CBT is a pretty cool, but far too academic, school of therapy for me. I liked the two coping skills I took away from the groups, but the rest of it, I left in the group therapy room. I think CBT is good for certain types of things, but I can't really imagine myself doing all of the CBT strategies when I'm in crisis. I prefer quicker, more tangible skills.