Hyper Focus and what is it? How does it work? And Why RuPaul?

 "Why RuPaul?" 

The question kinda came out of nowhere, but I was hardly surprised. I had been posting a lot of videos of his performances and of his Netflix series AJ and the Queen and his books. But the real question had nothing to do with RuPaul. The real question was why do you always do this--obsess over something new--throw everything into it and then drop it months or years later? And I felt I had an obligation to answer. 

ADHD is a weird thing as I've posted about numerous times in this blog. But there's a superpower in my ADHD that I absolutely love and it is my ability to hyperfocus. Hyperfocus isn't inherently dangerous, although it can be frustrating. It is the ability to focus on one thing for great lengths of time, for blocking everything out except that one thing, learning everything about it, becoming an expert. Wanting to talk about it constantly, to share that burning interest. It's also the ability to block everything out creatively and work on a project without sleeping, without eating, being completely stuck in that brain loop until it's finished. It's why I can write a play or a story in one day or listen to nothing but the same musical artist day in and day out. This can be destructive, the looping can be beyond frustrating and tears inducing because you just can't stop, even when you know you want to or have to. But I think the benefits of hyperfocus far outweigh the dangers. 

So, why RuPaul? I couldn't tell you exactly. Hyperfocus comes out of nowhere. I think it started on Skin Wars and seeing his suits. Then my roommate and I watched Drag Race (which oddly enough isn't my hyperfocus) and I decided I wanted to emulate his style. And that thought was all my brain needed to go into hyperfocus mode. It started with the suits, (I designed and ordered one similar to a picture I saw), then the music, the books, the Netflix series. Then the philosophies and his infectious way, through the written page and through his music, to make me feel like I can accomplish every dream I have. And given what I'm trying to accomplish now, my brain and soul need that push and those roadmaps he weaves in his text and music. 

See, I look at my hyperfocus as a defense mechanism too. My brain inherently knows, it seems, what I need to hyperfocus on. Not feeling creative? Write a play in a day. Manic and need comforting? Jeremy Brett. Feeling stuck in life? Sherlock Holmes. Need a push to go after your dreams? RuPaul. Bored? Let's find something new to become an expert on. Some of these have included magic (I worked as a magician for a while), venomous snakes, the art of lock picking (I don't do this anymore), serial killers, and so many other things. My hyperfocus teaches me new things, which work for me creatively and also give me what I need to survive. 

So, to answer my friend's question, "why RuPaul?" it's just my hyperfocus. He's an awesome role model and stands for a lot, including an impeccable sense of style, and his work is helping me go after everything I want, but at the end of the day, "why RuPaul?" is really why hyperfocus. And all I can say to that question is ADHD and the unique way my brain works, and I'm learning to completely embrace and love it. 

To close with a RuPaul quote: "If you can't love yourself, then how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else." And guess what, my current hyperfocus is helping me to do just that.