What the heck is Bipolar 1, ADHD, and a Sensory Processing Disorder?-Depression

Depression--my Eeyore days. This one, I think, is a lot easier for people to understand, because it gets a lot more press than mania. This is a good thing because people need to be aware that mental health is real, these disorders are real, and stigma is a bad thing. (That's a soapbox for another post).

Depression is not a synonym for sad! I'll repeat that. No matter what your teacher or thesaurus says, depression is NOT a synonym for sad. It is waaay more than sad. Imagine there is a dark hole, with no light, no sound, no touch, no feelings except for hopelessness, sadness, and despair. And instead of reaching the bottom, you keep falling, and falling, and falling. There is no bottom--at least not as far as you can see.

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS BELOW-MENTION OF SUICIDE: 

I have intrusive thoughts like not wanting to be alive anymore, my thoughts can ramp up to suicidal ideation, go to suicidal plans, to a suicide attempt, and to a success (since I'm writing this, I have yet to have a suicide success--you only get one of those).

I literally have no energy to get up in the morning. Showering, brushing my teeth, feeding me and Moppet (my dog) is literally the most difficult thing in the world to do. Then I have to drive to work (because money really doesn't grow on trees), and teaching children while I'm depressed is NOT FUN OR EASY! I have no feelings about the content, so I have to bite on the lie and pretend I really care about the world around me. I don't. I honestly just want to die. 

And I see no way up out of the bleak, dark hole. It's endless--at least that's my perception in the moment.